The Importance of Shared Silence . One of the causes of bustups between The Climber and me, and the one that was the catalyst for our last fight was him not talking enough to me. Or, to put it another way, me not liking extended silence between us.
He says he is a quiet person. He isn't, not particularly. And I'm not a particularly chatty person. I love being on my own. But when we are together, a couple of things can happen if we don't talk for a period - I can start to worry that there is something wrong with him, or I can start to worry that we aren't quite as in love as we were - that we're getting used to each other, maybe even bored with each other. These are both insecurities on my part, I know, but that doesn't make them any the less real.
So I try to get him to say something or to respond to me. And he resents the implied criticism, or being made to 'perform'. And we fall out. And one of us walks out. And then there's lots of silence...
But I do love silence sometimes. So, what I get from reading that article is that, if I can let go the worries when silence falls between us, I might actually begin to enjoy the silence, let my thoughts flow the way they do when I am alone and, who knows, we may even fight a little less!