Friday, January 29, 2016
Round in Circles
When we got back together last week, I told him that we couldn't go back to the way we were, that we'd have to try a new way of conducting our relationship. As I said in a previous post, he and I have been living together in all but name since our first weekend together but without actually making a commitment or even actively deciding we wanted to live together. It just happened. Well, that's not exactly true...he was looking for a house and so moved in with me until he found somewhere. I, loving having a man about the place, didn't want to make him leave - we were having such a lot of fun - and so we have just sort of fallen into the way of being together every night.
Now, I find this a strain. He has a house of his own now (that was another upset for me. I really didn't think he would move into his own house after living with me for four months...) We spend (or did spend) three nights at my house, then three at his, and have lived like this for nearly three years now. It all feels very temporary and every now and then I get upset about it. Which makes him feel pressured that I'm wanting to get married, which isn't true...but I DO want to feel settled. I've told him in the past that being settled is incredibly important to me and that if he doesn't want to settle with me then I NEED to feel settled in my own house at least. I've always been a home bird. I love having my stuff around me and hate uprooting myself every week to go to his place.
So, after our breakup, I had the idea that we could get back together but go back to basics - live our independent lives, go on dates, stay the night but have time on our own too. He agreed to try it. And, from my point of view, it's been working. I've missed him at times but I've also loved being able to get on with my own things. We've both been much more productive, and we've not only had loads more to talk about when we get together but we are also more genuinely excited to see each other. It's been great.
Except, apparently it hasn't. He had a bit of a moan this morning about not seeing me tonight (this is one of our on our own nights - we'll see each other tomorrow) and I just had the feeling all day that he was not a happy bunny. I'm not always right about these feelings but I was this time. I expected him to call me tonight and he didn't until just now. He was already in bed and apparently feeling very sorry for himself (without actually telling me, of course). We didn't talk for long and now I'm irritated with him all over again.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if he's being childish or I'm being unrealistic. He doesn't say anything of course. I'm just supposed to know. I've no doubt his nose is a little out of joint but I honestly think it's only because I'M the one who suggested this new way of living. Previously, he was all for non-commitment and freedom to go off climbing or biking or walking with other people. But because I'm suggesting it, he's not happy. He is a lovely, interesting, funny, sexy man but I honestly don't know if that's going to be enough to keep us together, because he is also (and increasingly) moody and erratic. I honestly thought more time away from each other would ease the stress that builds up in both of us but it looks as though I was wrong in that too...