Monday, January 18, 2016

I'm back!

I've been away for quite a while, fellow rosehippers, but I'm back. What a blast it's been. Last time I wrote, it was seven years since the death of the Golfer and I felt ready at last to begin to look outward again and perhaps even find a new love.

As soon as I began to recover from the virus that brought me to my knees and my senses, I signed up with a couple of internet dating sites. What an adventure! Quite quickly, I had my first first date - first and last in that case - a very nice man but he was much older and we both agreed that that was an issue. It was good practice though - the first man to treat me like a woman in seven years and I liked it!

So it was back onto the dating sites for another dip. It was tempting to write up my experiences here but it didn't feel fair to the men - they were as lonely as I was and it would have felt like I was taking advantage of them. The main thing to report now is that I got my life back! I had a few first dates, I started listening to romantic ballads again, and fell asleep at night thinking about the eye contact, the attention, the proximity of all that masculinity, even the occasional kiss...

Then one first date led to a second and a third. He was very shy, and we lived a couple of hundred miles apart, so there was a lot (too much) of fantasising and building him up in my mind. We lasted about three months before he went a bit psycho - but that story will keep for another time...

When I was disentangling myself from him, I got a click from another guy on the website and decided to meet him. I was still crazy about the other man and desperately trying to make it work, This new chap was nice - interesting and attentive He did all the right things but I wasn't really interested. But, having rediscovered a sex life (sort of) with the psycho chap, it was like a desert receiving rain and now, with things falling apart there before they had quite got going, I was absolutely desperate for sex. The new man - let's call him The Climber - was relentless in his pursuit of me - another new experience for me, and very flattering.

We agreed to go out as friends for dinner but the sexual tension throughout the whole evening was unbearable. I let him kiss me in the car park as we said goodnight but no more. When I got home, I sat in the dark for two hours, unable to move. What was I doing? What was I getting into? I should say that, having got together with The Golfer before I was eighteen, and having been faithful to him ever since, I'd missed out totally on that whole sleeping around, experimenting thing. In fact, apart from the psycho, I hadn't slept with any other men other than The Golfer. This was totally new territory for me. I'd never felt so turned on, confused and frustrated.

I decided to take what was, for me, a huge risk. I decided to phone The Climber and say that he could come round and spend the night with me. I still can't quite believe I did that. It was wonderful. We didn't leave the bedroom for the whole weekend. At the age of fifty five, I was having better sex than I had ever had in my life. I felt reborn. The story gets a bit complicated there but, suffice to say, we have been together ever since - that was nearly three years ago. Together until yesterday, when I ended it with him. And now I feel the need to write about it here - not quite sure why. He's a lovely man and I have no intention of doing anything to disrespect him but I suppose I thought it might be a good idea to add a couple of chapters to the story I've been telling here up till then.

Because, I suppose, the story is an ongoing one. Yes, I was a widow, and then I was single, and then I was attached and now I'm single again and it's all part of the same story. So, if there's anyone reading, or even if there isn't, I'm going to write down what it's like to be me, alone again at fifty seven but happy...more tomorrow...

No comments: