Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Breaking Up, Not Tuning Up

Okay - I admit it, I've picked up this blog again because I've broken up with my boyfriend and I don't know if it's been the right thing to do. It's weird. I've never broken up with anyone before. No, that's not true. The Golfer and I broke up three months after we started going out but that was us trying to be sensible and grown up. He was going back to University and we didn't think a long-distance relationship was a good idea. Three weeks later we were back together and stayed together till he died.

So this is new territory for me. At the grand old age of 57, I'm having to learn how to break up, how to survive it and how to be single again. Tonight I'm being very brave and listening to slow, sad tunes on Spotify and wishing I hadn't split up with The Climber. We used to sing together. He plays the guitar really well and, for the first time in my life, I was with someone who wanted to hear me sing. And now I've lost that - I'm back to singing for the cat, if I had one...

I wish I knew for sure that splitting up is the right thing to do. I'm such a beginner at this. And The Climber is a very different man compared to The Golfer. Things weren't perfect with The Golfer by any means but he was very laid back and I honestly can't remember him finding fault with me on more than a couple of occasions in thirty years. The Climber, on the other hand, doesn't hold back if he thinks I'm being unreasonable. It's a long story which will no doubt come out over the course of the next few posts but, suffice to say, I'd had enough of being in the wrong.

Now, don't misunderstand me, The Climber is a lovely man but he is a climber - a rock climber and, as anyone who has dated a rock climber will tell you, climbers are different. All they care about is climbing - everything is focussed on it, everything else comes second to it. And my Climber is (I suppose he isn't MY Climber any more) a middle-aged climber. He's been a climber for forty years. I never stood a chance against that.

So that's all I've got to say tonight. I think breaking up was the right thing to do, even if it means I will die old and alone ...thinking about it, the old bit isn't so bad - after all, as someone once said - think about the alternative... How do you decide a relationship has run its course? That it's only going to go downhill from this point? I have no idea. Back to the sad songs...Night all.


Kate said...

Glad to see you back blogging.
And I'm following again.

Breaking up is hard at any age. I'm watching my youngest go through her first big breakup, with a man she'd been dating for (only) one year, but when you're young... ah, when you're young the tragedy of even a brief relationship being lost seems so poignant.

I know that the older we get, the more we think THIS ONE is our last chance, yet it seems like there are always others.

For my daughter, I recommended Neil Sedaka's original version of "Breaking Up is Hard to Do". It always made me feel better, because even though it has lyrics like "don't you leave my heart in misery" it's got that peppy upbeat tune, and it's hard to sing your miserable and FEEL miserable singing that song ;) I recommend it for you. Yeah, it's sappy. Go for it :D

Puddock said...

I was doing ok listening to my Spotify mellow list last night when the only piece of classical music on my playlist - The Lark Ascending - came on. I was reduced to a quivering, bawling wreck in seconds. A good thing too - I was being far too brave about the breakup. I still think it was the right thing to do but I will miss lots of things about him.

I think you're right about there always being others out there. I have only recently begun to realise this - might blog about that in a day or two. Thanks for checking in - glad you're still blogging!