Monday, August 24, 2009

Things Change...

I haven't written much over the summer here on Rosehip or Prune but I have a good excuse - I've been selling my house!

At last, I am moving on. Moving's a strange phrase. When you lose someone you love, it isn't long before a well-meaning friend will talk about 'moving on'. "Time to move on", they say to you, placing a kind hand on your arm, "your dead loved one wouldn't want you to stay sad for too long. Time to start looking forward again".

But moving on isn't something you can will to happen. Relationships are complicated things and bereavement is no less a complicated business. When your partner dies, you have to disentangle yourself from them and become a single unit again, and that takes time.

Since I've been widowed, and have talked to people who really know what it's like - that is, other widowed people and not so-called experts, I've heard of it taking five years, or even ten, to adapt to life without a husband or wife. In my case, it has taken four years to feel like an individual instead of half of a ripped-apart unit. And now I do feel like an individual, ready to start a new life in a new town.

When I showed the first couple (it's all couples) round my house and tried to explain my situation, I struggled to explain why I was moving now. The woman gently interrupted and said "you're moving on." I was initially horrified and literally stepped back at the thought that I might be moving on from my husband and thus leaving him behind. But I realised that she was quite right and I found myself nodding and smiling and saying, "yes, you're right. I AM moving on."

And so I am. The process of selling the house has moved me further on - all those new people to meet, all those decisions to make - and I am certain that I am doing the right thing. I will shed a few tears but I will not have any regrets when I walk out of the house in a couple of months time, because I will be moving on - on to Life 2.0.


Widow in the Middle said...

It is so good to hear how you are now doing. I think back to those cold days of January... I too, sold my house over the summer and am scheduled to move on Sept. 8th. It is very helpful for me to read the encouraging thoughts of others who are also in this position. But it sure has been an emotional struggle reaching this point. You are so accurate in your comments about the process being individualized and unable to force.

How interesting that the words "moving on" reflect what is actually occurring. And how you can see how the process of selling your home helped you "move on." I love the reference to the next life class being 2.0. I'll be in it, sitting next to you over the next couple of months too!

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

I am moving too, and moving on in some ways. Was just thinking about a post on the balancing act, or tension, or whatever it is.
Just discovered you -- will keep checking in!

Puddock said...

Jenny - I can't believe you are moving too - in fact - you are moving today! Good luck with the move - hope it goes smoothly. I saw on your blog that you had decided not to go for those jobs - good for you. I think it's really important that we do what is right for US at this stage in our lives, not just because we are widowed but also because we are - how can I put it? - on the gentle slither down the other side of the hill...We've done our stint - it's time to do what we want now.

Hi Supa Dupa and welcome to my blog! I've just had a quick peek at your blog and I love it!